Why I eat more than I need while traveling

An eating journal

It is very far from my plans. I want to reduce my weight and tone my body.

I know my mind is probably overwhelmed, and it needs my help.

So, I started an eating journal. I jot down what I have eaten, how I felt afterward, and a mental analysis of why I initially decided to eat a certain food (especially when it goes against my plans).

Sometimes, I feel ashamed reading my notes. According to them, I am not even hungry at times, yet I eat something high-calorie that pushes me very close to my daily calorie quota—something unhealthy, and on top of that, not even that delicious!

So what’s going on, girl?

It feels like the Niloo who eats those foods is not the same one who decided to eat in moderation.

At this stage, I am not cutting sugar entirely. I am just trying to minimize it.

What’s happening to my willpower?

But it feels like whenever I am exposed to sweet treats, my determined, strong Niloo suddenly disappears, and someone else starts thinking and feeling for me.

How come my will is so fragile? Where does all my determination and willpower go when dessert is close? Who is this “Niloo” making decisions for me in those moments?

My eating journal notes remind me of the movie Memento, where the main character knows he has short-term memory loss, so he writes down important details of his day for his future self to read and catch up on what happened.

Well, my case is not exactly the same. I do not lose my memory. I only lose my drive, my excitement for having a healthy meal.

What might the reason be?

I have some ideas about why this is happening. However, I’m not very sure yet. I need to think about it more and experiment with different approaches.

I suspect these impulses are caused by a deep, hidden feeling of “preventing painful outcomes.” A feeling that makes me unconsciously believe that if I don’t eat this food now, I’ll regret it badly. For example, it tells me I’m missing the opportunity to have this treat, that I won’t have access to it again, or not at this price, and that I won’t feel good about it later.

But that’s not entirely true. Vietnamese desserts can be found in Canada too. And in reality, a small amount of it is enjoyable. But after one or two spoons, the novelty fades in my mouth, and the rest is eaten out of a sense of insecurity that I don’t fully understand. A false feeling telling me I need to save now to survive tomorrow.

What I can do about it

I need to somehow come face to face with this insecurity and these prevention impulses. If I look at it logically, I can say with certainty that I am not going to die if I skip that dessert, so it is not necessary for my survival.

And I won’t be upset with myself for not overeating something I’ll forget the taste of soon anyway.

Even if I eat all of it, the extra calories will be stored in my body as fat—not as a delicious Vietnamese dessert that I can tap into later when I crave it.

How can I tell my body that it got things wrong?

My body should understand this. So far, it has stored so much fat in my lower body as if it’s preparing for an imaginary famine or future hunger, or even as a reserve for a future baby that might starve without it.

But I have no direct way of communicating with my body and making it understand that it doesn’t need to store that much.

Most likely, I’m not going to face a famine, an apocalypse, or carry a baby that needs 2000 calories a day while growing inside me. And I don’t even want a baby.

Learning to speak my body’s language

A direct conversation with my body is impossible.

It has formed its beliefs partly through my own life experiences, and partly through the accumulated beliefs of all the women before me—encoded in my genes.

All of those beliefs make my body feel secure by storing fat and urging me to eat more whenever food is available.

I intuitively feel that my body has its own language, and the only way I can communicate with it is through that language.

So it seems the only way forward is to gradually let it relearn things on its own. A little hunger here and there might help it realize that this is not the end of the world. Over time, as my body sees that I can survive these small periods of fasting, it may slowly start to change its beliefs.

What I will try next

So what I’m adding to the menu is a small, daily dose of hunger—not too much, because that could backfire.

I’ll keep logging how my body reacts to this new approach.

Until the next log 😊

It is hard to resist food while travelling

Keeping a healthy diet while travelling is not easy. Right now, I am in Vietnam, and the Vietnamese food is so different from what we have in Canada that not trying everything at first glance feels like a waste.

The temptation is everywhere. Even the coffee shops offer different types of tea and coffee; things so exciting that coffee shops in Canada simply don’t offer. Coffee with beans, green tea with lotus seeds, matcha with huge chunks of grass jelly. The desserts are so different from what we have in Canada, and impulsively, I want to try everything.