Life change after burnout and choosing a different path

Breaking point

Following a major breakdown, I reached a point where I could no longer continue on the path I had defined for myself.

I spent 12 long years at university, studying in a field that didn't interest me: math and physics, while what I wanted to study was architecture. When I was 18, I convinced myself that this desire would pass. I thought I needed to pursue science to earn money and gain the respect of those around me. Well, it was a bad decision.

After years of studying and working in this field, I reached a point where I simply couldn’t continue anymore. And when I say I couldn’t, I mean my health was seriously affected. I was (and still am) gaining weight, and I have no control over my restless mind.

It feels like I have lost control of everything. Things happen to me, and I feel like I have no control over them. I feel like a submissive entity, easily ruled by circumstances.

Hard work at any cost

Let’s go back to when I was 18, until about four years ago.

I had a strong will. When I set a goal, I did everything in my power to achieve it. And I proved that I could make things happen. That’s the happy part.

The sad part is that I was young, inexperienced, and immature when making decisions about my future. I relied on advice from people who either didn’t have enough experience or enough empathy to guide me properly. And they did a terrible job.

After they made the decision for me to go into science, once the goal was set, I pushed through no matter the cost. Years of staying awake, trying to understand material that felt impossible. Constant anxiety before exams because I needed to be the best.

At work, the same pattern: long unpaid hours, intense pressure, nights with only 2–3 hours of sleep just to meet deadlines. I was exploited. And I allowed it. Because I believed hard work at any cost was the only way forward. Even if that cost was my mental and physical health.

The collapse

About three months ago, I broke out of that pattern. It was not a decision by choice. In fact, my body forced me to stop. My mind, brain, and body refused to align with this nonsensical desire to keep pushing while ignoring what I actually need.

Now, I am struggling with my weight and appetite. My mind feels chaotic and uncontrollable. I have sleep problems; I wake up multiple times at night, and it takes me at least an hour to fall back asleep. I’ve developed back pain from sitting for 9–10 hours straight a day at my desk.

For the past four years, I could already feel myself losing stability on this path. Now it’s clear: I cannot continue. But more importantly I do not WANT to continue. I don’t WANT a life that is slowly destroying me. I want to be alive and live and enjoy my life for the rest of the time that I have on the planet.

A decision to change course

I quit my job last February and I do have a plan for what comes next. For about four years I have been developing ideas. It’s not fully designed, and there are no guarantees it will succeed. Since then I feel more alive and the desire to fight has woken up in me. This time, though, wisely, I’m fighting for something that actually matters: my sanity.

Basic fixes for this new path

Here is a breakdown of what I am determined to do:

• Improving my diet

• Improving my physical health (losing excess weight, building muscle)

• Calming my chaotic mind and getting some control over it

• Becoming mentally stronger

The order doesn't matter. I think all of them are directly related, so starting anywhere helps everything else.

Right now, my mind feels like the streets of Ho Chi Minh City at 5 PM—completely chaotic, flooded with motion, noise, and directionless energy.

Synchronicity?

Do I believe in synchronicity? I don’t even know what “belief” means! I can’t claim certainty about anything.

But, I have experienced this directly: Whenever I am truly serious about accomplishing something, the right resources somehow appear. I don’t know how to explain it but it happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

An stranger named Haruki Murakami

About two months ago, I came across an article mentioning a novelist named Haruki Murakami.

The article praised his writing, but I found it shallow and forgot about it. Then, two weeks ago, his name suddenly came back to me. Curious, I looked him up and discovered he had written two nonfiction books that caught my attention:

• Novelist as a vocation

• What I talk about when I talk about running

I bought the first one. I started reading it, and I couldn't put it down.

His life, his pain, all he went through, his sudden decision to change direction from owning a café to becoming a novelist AND a runner spoke to me in a way that rarely happens.

Have you ever had the feeling that someone reaches deep inside you and touches a part of you that you have hidden under too many layers to keep untouched? That was the feeling I got.

I finished it quickly and moved to the second one. Another hit!

I need to mention that Murakami’s personality is very different from mine. He is a bit bitter, and sometimes frustrated, but his writing style is extremely direct, no fluff. At times, his frustration with some situations is overwhelming, and I skip those parts. Well, probably because I already deal with my own constant mental noise. Adding someone else’s is too much for now.

Maybe learning tolerance needs to be added to the bucket list of my personal improvements as part of becoming mentally stronger.

My small steps today

Today, I minimized carb intake. I ate a bit of carbs, but mainly protein and salad. It was not easy, though—especially with a partner who loves sugar. Watching him enjoy matcha ice cream while I resist is a challenge.

But I’m not cutting sugar completely. I cannot do that cold turkey. I’m only reducing it gradually. My goal is to ultimately minimize non-natural sugar intake to small doses and have one fruit per day.

Experience has proved to me that trying to cut all the sweet food abruptly from my diet has never worked for me. So, no torture this time. If my body deliberately decides to cut it off in the future, I will allow it, but I am not going to torture myself.

I also got this amazing herbal tea blend to drink a few cups of each day. Its natural aroma is so delightful that it can outweigh the pain of avoiding delicious treats and watching my partner devour them while closing his eyes and saying “hmmmmm” with joy.

Ok, that’s it for tonight. A 7-hour bus ride from Ho Chi Minh City to Da Lat, plus waking up at 3:00 AM to catch the bus, made me tired.

I am going to continue reading Murakami’s book (the runner one) and let his strength inspire me 🙂 Have a good night, everyone.

Talk later

April 18th, 2026

Da Lat, Vietnam