I have been sick for the last five days and the worst of it was two days ago. Since I left my job, almost every month I get two harsh illnesses that leave me bedridden for nearly two weeks. I’m not sure what causes it. It feels as if my body has finally been given permission to release the stress it had been holding for so long. Anyhow, it has been very tough. I still have a headache and feel very weak but I have enough energy to write another blog ☺️

Recently I finished reading a book by Albert Ellis called How Not to Let Others Push Your Buttons. I needed to read this book because I have a strong intention that when something does not go as I expect, I want to keep my calm and stay put instead of losing my temper and letting situations or people make me anxious and out of balance.

In his book, Ellis explains a simple model. Suppose A is a situation or a person that seems to push our buttons, and C is our reaction to it. For example: A is someone who talks to me disrespectfully and C is my reaction when I become angry because of that person’s behavior.

Ellis says that A doesn’t cause C. Something else stands between A and C that is our beliefs about A. He called this B.

In the example above, my belief might be that the other person SHOULD speak respectfully to me. That belief makes me angry. But in reality, I cannot control how other people speak or behave. I wish that they were more respectful, but if they are not, it is OK, this is their decision, not mine.

Or imagine that instead of anger, my reaction is depression. In that case, my belief might be that I somehow deserve to be spoken to that way. A lack of self-confidence then leads me to feel hurt or defeated.

The point is that I actually have the power. Yet most of the time I hand that power over to others by allowing them to push my buttons.

Anyway, I don’t want to make this too theoretical and boring 😉 I simply wanted to share this small discovery because it has already made my life feel a bit easier and healthier.