Changing the bandages every day is a painful process, although it is getting a little easier each day. But again, the pain comes with an unfamiliar sense of dizziness and nausea.
My feet are now so swollen that they literally feel like balloons. When I walk, I have this strange feeling that they are going to explode and water will splash out of them. The nurses say it is all normal and that the water retention should subside in a week or so.
Effects on my mind
Last night, I had this overwhelming feeling that if I fell asleep, I would die. I am not sure what caused those drug-like feelings. It honestly felt like a bad mushroom trip. My mind would not let me fall asleep because it convinced itself that I would never wake up afterward.
At another point, I had this strange feeling that while drifting off, my sense of identity would disappear and I would no longer be myself. I would become no one. Only an observer.
Those feelings felt so trippy and unfamiliar. I am not sure what triggered them. Maybe the post-surgery hormones and everything my body is going through right now, have put my mind in an unfamiliar place.
It is fascinating how much the body can influence the mind (the way we think, feel, and believe) and vice versa. Last night, I had this intense belief that if I continued thinking negatively about the state of my body, somehow the situation would worsen.
Compression garment
Yesterday, I started wearing my compression garment, which I am supposed to keep on 24/7 for three months. Last night was my first night sleeping with it, and it felt incredibly uncomfortable. I think eventually I will get used to it and stop noticing it altogether.
Tomorrow, the stitches will be removed, and then I can only rely on my body (and whatever unknown force runs it) to help me heal. Thinking about what makes it all work so seamlessly gives me shivers. I trust my body to do its job. I wish I could bring that same trust into other parts of my life too.
Anyway, I will end this blog here and try to get some relaxation in the waiting room at the spa while I wait for Gab to get his back massage
Talk soon.
May 21st, 2026
Ha Noi, Vietnam
Recently, I had surgery on both of my legs. I will be honest, this process has not been an easy one. I know I have higher sensitivity than the average person, but the discomfort level has been intense.
Physical effects
I had some kind of allergic reaction to the anesthesia and painkiller injections and was vomiting nonstop for 24 hours after the surgery. I completely lost my appetite and could not eat for about 40 hours, even though it was critical that I eat so my body could recover faster from the wounds. But it felt impossible.
Today is the fifth day after surgery, and both of my feet are so swollen from water retention. They look completely out of shape.